Failure

It may come as a shock to you, but I'm not perfect. I make constant fuck-ups and even fail at the simplest things miserably. Now people may say, "Failure is just a stepping stone to success" and all that shit, but it doesn't really feel like that's the case when you feel like killing yourself everytime you screw up a task. I will always give up on something if I can't competently perform it in a few tries and decide, "Eh, it wasn't worth it, anyway". I mean, if people relied on someone who can't even perform a task correctly the first time, the world would be a shittier place to live in. I just don't see the reason to keep trying when "I owe it to myself" to do so. Go find someone who's much better than me at something. There always is.

Self-impressions

I like to think myself as a nice person, full of kindness. The only problem is that I'm not that person. I'm just a very mean person and asshole through and through. Never once in my life have I described myself as kind or polite. Never. I pretty much only be polite because I'm expected to. I never speak my mind to anyone because if I did, I'd probably have no friends and may or may not be dead.

Let me say it again:
I'm not a kind person. I'm just an asshole who does kind things occasionally.

Crazy Bumblebee origins (again)

Ok, you know how I got the username Crazy_Bumblebee. But the thing is, I didn't use that username at first. I only used it half as a joke because hey, maybe I could get a few laughs here and there. As time passed, I decided to keep that username mainly because I've gotten attached to it. It's also a reminder of my little brother who came up with the whole "bumblebee" thing.

That was 5 years ago. Now I'm still using that username.

Another day, another episode of depression

I'm finally using the blog for its actual purpose. Cool, right? Anyway, back to the topic:

Kinda sucks to be hit with depression, you know. Sure, it's not as bad as it was 3 years ago, but it still sucks. Nothing just seems fun anymore. I know I said everything will get better, but I never said the wait is gonna be easy. It also sucks that people usually shun me for being weird. Yeah, I know it's super annoying being around me, and I know everything will be my fault as long as I'm involved.

Fahmi, out.

Love(?)

My generation (and the generations after mine) have a very twisted view of love, in my honest opinion. Their view on love is that both people like each other and are in a relationship, and just dismiss it off just like that. Love, in reality, is a very, VERY, complicated thing. It just doesn't mean liking each other, it also means being there for each other, being supportive, comforting, you get the point. That is why serious relationships (you know, the ones where the people actually WORK to keep the relationship going and actually genuinely love each other) last a long time, some even end up marrying each other.

And yes, this is coming out from a guy who hasn't even gotten into a relationship, so don't take my word 100%. Go ask someone who is in a serious relationship, please.

Gettin' Real With Fahmi

It's about time we get real, here. Life will suck. Really. You will feel like shit at times and feel like you could do nothing to relieve that feeling. Especially during secondary school. However, lemme tell you this: Don't fucking worry. You should be fucking grateful you're still alive and functioning well after that. I'm not gonna use the "people have it worse than you" excuse because it's not gonna make you feel better.....but to say that your life is over? Fuck you, and fuck your mindset about life. You wanna complain that there is nothing there to do to relieve your pain, so be it. See where that lands you. God/The world has no right to provide comfort and/or fun to you. You have to go and FIND IT YOURSELF. Also, like everything else in life good or bad, the pain will soon be over. Don't end it too soon. Please.

Weird

As many of my friends (or acquaintances..... mostly acquaintances...) would tell you, I am pretty weird. Not weird in a sense that I'm not normal (though it is pretty accurate...), but in the sense that I stand out from the others..... and not in a good way. My "weirdness" got on the bad side of A LOT of people, which lead to my depression episode during Sec 2 and Sec 3. Being weird is not really a good thing, in my opinion, because of how much you stand out from others, causing many of them to actually straight-up INSULT you for not being normal. For 4 years, FOUR FUCKING YEARS, I have been trying to change my weird self into something more tolerable than normal, and honestly, I think it's for the best that I am not as weird as I used to be. Sure, I can be crazy sometimes, you will see that I will be guaranteed normal.

Fahmi, out.